Here and Now

Hello everyone!

Okay, I will admit, today's post is more so to help me than anyone else really, so feel free to ignore it or whatever. Perhaps if you are curious enough to read on, go and take a quick look, I won't mind.

Today I wanted to talk about myself, in essence. But really it is more about my vision and the way I look at the world as a whole, look at what would be my career even. Perhaps if you have previously visited the 'About Me' page, you already know some of the basics, but I do not really suppose I ever talked about it anytime else.

So that is what this is, about me, here and now. 

I guess that in order to really understand me as a human being, you would need to know the inside of my head, the way I think and act. In many ways, I feel like my mind is like a great field of reeds. It is hazy, to say the least, so very full, yet still so empty. And every reed is a thought, kind of waving in the wind, the motion of my acts. I feel like I have too many of these thoughts, which often affects my ability to perform in various ways. 

Now I am not trying to make up excuses. In reality, it really frustrated me, it still does, and I wish that I could somehow control it. Except I cannot. So here I am, trying to keep myself together while adding a piece of me to this world, if that makes sense? I feel like that is what my writing is, a piece of myself.

However, my thoughts, where all these stories, big and small, come from, is a very full place. It makes it hard for me, very hard, to 'live in the moment', as it were. While doing a very simple task, you will, for example, often find me daydreaming or talking to myself, humming along to the lyrics of a song, something like that. Another example of this is that I am fairly certain that I always look grumpy. I know this because people always ask me if I am alright, it sometimes even makes people think that I am angry at them. I am really not, it is just my natural way of being, constantly in thought, in a different world.

Honestly it frustrates me, always has. I feel like these things keep me from connecting with people like the average person would. I struggle to find the right words, the right questions to ask, the right things to say. I am truly horrible at small-talk too. 

I am getting side-tracked, I am a storyteller for crying out loud, not some reality blogger. I suppose that the moral of this tale would be not to take social advice from me, if that makes sense. 

Is this a good time to say that I have no clue how many of you actually read these? I hope many do. If you do happen to be reading this right now, thanks a ton. I appreciate it, I really do.  Then I suppose it is time for me to close this thing down.

But really, thank you for being here. You lot mean a lot to me, probably more than you will ever know. 

I would say that I love you, but that is not true. I would say that I adore you for taking the time with me. 

Goodbye, for now, I suppose.

Good day, stay safe

-River